Brian Dietz Blog

The rain, the perks and other things…

3/10/2019

We live in the Inland Empire region of Southern California. Don’t be deceived by the title Inland Empire. We are not a great conquering nation of warriors but rather a collection of discards from neighboring affluent coastal counties. The Inland Empire is a hot-semi arid region of southern California. We average less than 12 inches of rain in a typical season. Our landscape is made up of low cost housing, fast food restaurants, rocks and tumbleweeds. If Seattle is known as the Emerald City, Menifee could be called brown town. Quite often we get hot, dry, destructive Santa Ana winds that blow dust, debris and tumbleweeds for miles. If you dare go outside during that time, you get a snoot full of Death Valley blown up your nose. We have tumbleweed drifts like other areas of the country have snow drifts. Every year I threaten to decorate a tumbleweed as a replacement for a Christmas tree.

We anticipate rain like Seattle anticipates sunshine. We want what we don’t have. We normally get excited in anticipation of a cloud or slight drop in temperature or anything that resembles a winter season so if it rains we celebrate like a team that just won a big game. Mind you, not everyone shares the same sentiment that my wife and I do. We crave anything other than hot and dry. If it rains at night and we don’t see it, it doesn’t count. This year we are FINALLY having a winter season after many years of drought. Instead of normally warm dry weather, we are getting rain. On more than one occasion, it rained for several days in row. For a brief moment I thought I forgot to turn the sprinklers off. It’s like the whole area gets to take a mass shower and nasal rinse. Boy did we need it. San Bernardino was really beginning to stink. I’m pretty sure the local golf course is offering white water rafting now. Some of the hills around our home that normally resemble a pile of dried refried beans have a mossy green substance growing on them now. If you squint and have a really good imagination it could resemble someplace other than brown town. The air is so clean right now that you can take a good deep breath and not choke on hot smog or brush fires.

Another advantage of the rain is the spring time wildflowers in our area. This year because of all the rain, the experts are predicting what they refer to as a super bloom. The normally dead hills have come alive with brilliant colors of green, orange, purple, white and yellow creating super traffic jams. I read an article that local communities are amping up for the crowds by renting portable potties and traffic police or maybe it was portable traffic and potty police. Hordes of people from the coastal counties on a quest for selfies with flowers, are descending on us in mass, clamoring up normally dead hills littered with rattlesnakes and beer cans to sit next to a patch of flowers that 3 months prior was nothing more than a pile of coyote dung and tumbleweeds. Supposedly many of the wildflower seeds sit dormant for years until a sufficient enough rain encourages them to come to life. That is pretty much how we are too. We sit around dormant for years for years until we get a decent winter rain and then we spring to life.

This year I discovered sweaters, jackets and long sleeved shirts that I had long forgotten. They are the bench warmers, the second string of the wardrobe. We hardly ever need them but when the conditions call for it, they are a necessity. I’m fairly frugal and I have a tendency to wear clothes completely out before I discard them. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the holes that are supposed to be there from the ones that aren’t. My daughters once hid one of my well worn shirts and sewed hideous patches all over it before wrapping it up and giving it back to me as a Christmas gift. When I tried to wear it again they seized control of it permanently taking it out of my rotation. When it comes to the second string, they may be worn once or twice then cleaned, folded and put away for another decade or until winter decides to arrive. I was finally able to utilize an umbrella my daughter gave me a few years back. Once I finished watching the YouTube tutorial on how it works, I was able to put it to good use.

At one time in my life, I watched the local evening news on occasion. If we have more than a few minutes of sprinkles in a single month the local media goes into full blown frenzy. Instead of the latest Hollywierd noise, the lead story becomes STORM WATCH. The networks parade out the Barbie doll weather reporter immediately and as often as possible. In typical SoCal overkill fashion, they send a team of reporters out with film crews to cover what amounts to little more than a leaking faucet and then tell us it’s a typhoon. They advertise the fact that they have a mobile weather van with the latest Doppler radar technology. First of all, I would hope that the van is mobile. Was their previous van not mobile? Do the other networks just have a stationary weather van sitting in the back parking lot with Doppler radar? Does it really matter if they have a weather van or not? Anyone with a smart phone and wifi can pull up a radar image and a weather report. Do they really believe we think they are cutting edge storm chasers? It’s SoCal not tornado alley.

If the local weather Barbies tease us that there will be a slightly greater than 1% chance of winter in our area there are things we do in anticipation of the impending storms. A few weeks before our rainy weather started I replaced the windshield wipers on the cars. It was a rare stroke of good timing on my part. I’ve been duped in the past by the Barbies. Normally the wipers are camouflaged to appear to be perfectly capable of completing the task at hand. Then when it starts to drizzle and you hit the wiper switch, you get a broken rubber band and a metal arm flapping and scratching mud across your windshield at 50 mph. We have gardeners that maintain the brown belts in our neighborhood. Their timing is not the best. The other day during a rainstorm was the day they decided to attempt to blow the leaves off of the sidewalks. The previous time they waited until the Santa Ana winds were blowing Semi trucks off the roadways.

The city work crews put up temporary signs around town warning drivers about the flooded roadways. There is always some thrill seeker who dares to ignore the obvious and proceeds to plunge in, inevitably gets stuck or worse. I recently read a story about a woman who was hiking at Yosemite. She chose to ignore the signs that marked the trail closed for winter and proceeded to walk around a gate blocking the trail. Unfortunately she was struck by a falling boulder. There are consequences when we choose to ignore the warnings.

We know that while a storm can inflict a lot of damage, it can reap wonderful benefits too. In order to enjoy the wildflowers and the crisp clean air, you have to go thru some storms. It doesn’t take long to figure out what you need to prepare. It’s like saving those long sleeved sweaters. Eventually the warm dry spell will come to a screeching halt and you’re going to need to call in the reserves. We don’t always know where the storms in life will come from or how much damage they will do, but be assured they will come, it’s inevitable. Some of the storms we bring on ourselves. Some storms happen as a result of someone else. Some storms cannot be attributed to anyone or thing, they just happen. How prepared are you? Don’t wait too long like our gardeners, it might be too late and the results may be less than desirable. Don’t ignore the warnings like the Yosemite hiker. There is no need to over react either like our local media. God has us here for a reason and it’s not always going to be sunny and sweet with flowers and rainbows everywhere. He knows what storms you are currently going through and the ones that loom on your horizon.

I think that Noah and Job had a lot in common. They both endured tremendous storms and had their respective worlds taken away in a manner of speaking. They both had to endure the scorn and ridicule of the people around them. The thing that stands out though is their loyalty to God. They both went to God in prayer and they were both able to weather the storm. Their worlds were much different after the storm than before, but their God was the same before, during and after as He always has been. It’s normal to question things when the storms of life hit. Job may have questioned God’s motives but at least he knew who really was in charge. At least he continued talking to God. Occasionally there are gully washers that can knock you off your feet no matter how prepared you are. Don’t think you have to try and get through those times alone. Turn to the Lord in prayer. Thank Him for all He has done and ask Him to guide you safely to where you need to be.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1

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Splitting Hairs...

2/6/2019

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So you think you know what pain is? It’s a lot more than a four letter word. I once had a doctor ask me what my level of discomfort was. Real pain is more than discomfort. Discomfort is a wrinkle in your sock. To say that pain is “discomfort” is a gross understatement. Comfort is lounging in hammock on a beautiful beach, sipping a cool drink. Change the weather just slightly and voila you have discomfort. Pain would be that hammock snapping and your backside landing on a jagged lava rock.

Metaphorically speaking the areas where pain is most likely to occur is the neck and the derrière. There is no limit to what can be the cause of that. Home and car maintenance, neighbors, pets, neighbors pets, relatives, drivers, politicians, bosses, cable companies and so on. I’ve had a real pain with the toilet lately. No, it’s not something Preparation H would help. You see the toilet tank has been leaking. Our cat Truman is sometimes known as a PITA. Pain in the same place as the toilet. I’m not talking about someone stealing your Twinkies or your team losing the big game either. I’m talking about honest to goodness gut wrenching, nerve searing, drop you to your knees kind of pain. The next time you run into someone who you think is a real pain in the keister, remember they may be dealing with a pain far worse than you can imagine.

I was a big fan of Bugs Bunny cartoons and The Three Stooges when I was a kid. I found it hilarious when a character had an anvil dropped on their head or was launched through a wall. I still love to laugh, but I’m a lot more sympathetic of the stooge who gets his eye poked now. Pain has its place in animated or vaudeville humor but real life can be a lot more sobering. Sometimes it’s hard to differentiate what is more painful. Is it the chronic illness or the broken heart? The pain may be different, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. If not treated properly they can both linger and cause worse problems. Mental and emotional pain can hurt as much as physical pain. Deep scars are hard to cover. Other people may no longer see the scars but you know exactly where the wound was.

With all the different types of pain, sometimes it hard to differentiate what a person is suffering from the most and what their pain level is. At some point you will be asked to rate your pain. If you’re just having one pain then it’s pretty straight forward. If you have multiple issues it can be more complex. The medical community has adopted the pain scale in order to assess the level of pain a patient is in. You mention pain and right away they make you take a test. “On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the worst, what would you rate your pain?” Is this going to count against my grade? Even though it’s multiple choice it doesn’t make it any easier. They trust me to tell them? I cant even figure out what I want from the drive thru menu. Don’t they have a device that tells them what level my pain is without relying on me? Quick somebody look up what I said last time I was here. So now not only are you in pain, but you have the added pressure to come up with an appropriate number. I don’t trust myself in these pressure situations anymore.

There are many different types of pain scales. My chiropractor uses a chart with an outline of the front and back of the human figure. I find it makes for a fun anatomy drawing project. My file reads like a life drawing portfolio. Some scales have cute little emoji faces. Some are very descriptive while others look more like an engineering schematic. We live in Southern California. We are acutely aware of earthquakes. There are many earthquakes we just don’t feel. We are as desensitized to earthquakes as we are car chases. Pain scales are the Richter scales of medicine. Unless it registers over a 4 or 5, don’t waste our time. Once you hit say 7 well buckle up buttercup, the pain train is leaving the station and you’re in for the ride of your life. If you have multiple issues, the pain scale becomes skewed. If you hit a 9 or 10, nothing else seems to matter. For instance, you may have had a significant back issue that normally would register a 7, then something that is supposed to be on the inside ends up on the outside and it registers a 9, suddenly your back doesn’t seem so bad. Pain for you may not be pain for me. What I think is an 8, may only be a 4 for someone else. It’s purely subjective.

Certain pains trump all other pains. Start combining them and now you have a real conundrum. This is my dialogue with my doctor during a recent checkup. Doctor, “So how are you feeling?” I say, “I’m having some pain.” Doctor, “What would you rate your level of pain?” I tell him “zero stars, two thumbs down.” He just stares at me. He wants details. So I continue, “Well my TN has been acting up, so it goes from 3 to off the charts in less than a second. My neck on the side of my brain surgery is a 6 at the moment. My lower back is anywhere from 2 to 6. My trigger finger is currently a 4.5 except when it locks up and I pop it back in place then it is easily a 7 but only for a few minutes. My right arm where the catheter was is a 3.5 but yesterday evening it was a 5. My blood pressure is high. I still have trouble swallowing and I choke easily. I still get dizzy and lose my balance. My eyes are bothering me still but I’m still taking my glaucoma drops. I’m trying to figure out this hearing aid too. Emotionally, I’ve been better, I’m sorry, what was your question?” I was a human piñata.

When you’re in pain you don’t always make rational decisions. The best you can do is to know you need help. You really don’t care how you get relief, you just want relief. Ever notice how people call out to God when they are in pain? Unfortunately, too often they do so in a blasphemous manner. I was told right after brain surgery I was calling for help from Jesus and Obi-Wan Kenobi. The quicker the help arrives the better. Does anybody buy just plain old regular aspirin anymore? Seems like when I was young, you had two choices, regular or Bayer. Now the choices are extra strength or maximum strength or super fast acting extra long lasting. We can’t wait. We want help and we want it now.

The care givers go through their own brand of pain. I had the unfortunate pleasure of spending a night in a hospital room with a crystal meth addict. He was a human wrecking ball. He was both demanding and demeaning. I felt sorry for the nurses having to cater to his incessant bellowing. I informed a nurse intern that it was never too late to change careers. That lightened her mood. Everything about him was loud and irrational. He cursed at the nurses nonstop. He blasted his television all night long. He was uncomfortable so he wanted everybody around him to be uncomfortable. He didn’t care. I wanted to let him know that he wasn’t the only one hurting. It would’ve been lost on him. At 5 a.m. when he finally turned his tv off and tried to sleep, I turned on my tv and discovered a Christian broadcast that for some reason only worked on full blast. We got to change rooms later that morning.

Everyone deals with pain differently. There are people who avoid going to the doctor because they are afraid of what the doctor will tell them. Ultimately they are afraid of pain. They would rather live with the discomfort of ignorance than deal with the fix. You go to the doctor to have a spot checked out. The doctor says, we can work on this one freckle size area but it’s going to hurt like hell or we will need to remove half of your body but you won’t feel a thing. What would you prefer? Which half doc?

Often, the fix can be worse than the ailment. Things doctors love to say, “This will pinch a little” or “this is going to burn slightly” or “you might feel a little discomfort temporarily.” Is that something they read in a book? What to tell your patients as you pull their intestines out through their nose with a tweezer. I once had a neurologist suggest a new medication. When we asked about the side effects he very matter of factly said death. Is that all, well give me some of that!

I was diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia in 2003. TN has the distinction of making it somewhere on every list of most painful diseases. Some doctors will tell you it is the worst pain a human can feel. I haven’t experienced every single pain available on the menu so I really can’t say for certain. One of the treatments I sought for TN was a procedure called stereotactic radio surgery. During the procedure doctors screw a metal frame into your skull. You are then laid on a table while they bolt the frame down and shoot radiation at the nerve. Normally this wouldn’t be the worst but unfortunately for me, they didn’t inject enough local anesthesia prior to screwing the frame into my skull. I nearly passed out. This was supposed to be the fix.

We have a natural aversion to pain but we are incredibly gifted at giving it. As a society, we seem to derive great pleasure from watching others in pain or inflicting pain on others. We just don’t like it when it happens to us. It’s ironic that certain institutions and people that are supposed sanctuaries who advertise love and healing can be the very ones causing incredible pain and suffering. People can seem oblivious when it comes to how much pain they inflict on others. Either they have never experienced pain or maybe they just plain forgot what it was like or they are completely insensitive. You can always count on someone to illicit some insensitive remark too. Right after brain surgery I had to have a person tell me all about their uncle who died of a brain tumor. Tact and timing are everything. Something some people just haven’t mastered yet.

Dealing with pain can be exhausting and challenging. You can always find someone who has it worse. That doesn’t mean your pain isn’t real and what you’re experiencing isn’t bad. Pain is pain. It is no fun. Some people are relative rookies when it comes to pain yet they drone on like they are the only ones who suffer. They only succeed in embarrassing themselves. They do their best to convince everyone within earshot that a boil on the butt is a bigger issue than a ruptured spleen. They long to tell you all about how they have it tougher than anybody. It’s not that they necessarily have worse pain, they just crave the attention like a social media diva.

Then there are those people who offer unsolicited advice. They insist that your doctors don’t know anything. They themselves have no medical training other than a blog they once read. They have no idea your health history or access to any of the medical tests and yet somehow they feel qualified to prescribe what they think is best for you. It’s the personal version of socialized medicine. They don’t have a lot of credibility with me. Don’t tell me you know best how to deal with my pain when you don’t have a clue what I’m dealing with.

Pain and suffering can cause us to do extreme things. It can also draw us closer to the Lord. We have probably prayed more in the last few years than we did our entire combined lifetime. It can also make you more aware of what others are going through. It’s easy to find people who have it worse off than you do. A Shriners or St. Jude Children’s Hospital commercial especially tugs at your heart. No matter what type of pain you are suffering, it’s important to know that it doesn’t have to be permanent. Jesus came into this world to take on all our pain. He conquered this world and so can you because of Him. Pain in this world is just a reminder how amazing the gift of heaven will be.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort. 2 Corinthians 1:3

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Happy New Year?

1/9/2019

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It’s that time again for a Do Over. A chance to hit the reset button and move on. Each new year brings hopeful anticipation that it will be better than the last one.

I don’t place too much emphasis on the New Years resolution. I tried it once but I think I baked it too long and ended up throwing it all out. I just set the bar really, really low for myself. In fact, I lay the bar on the floor and scoot around it. In actuality, I believe you either do something or you don’t. I personally don’t need a new year to be resolute about something. Stop teasing us Menifee. You either build that movie theatre or not. Just stop telling us for a decade that it’s coming soon. They are like the weatherman who tell us there is a 30% chance of rain. That just tells me there is a 70% chance that it won’t rain. The landfill of resolutions gives off a nasty stench of excuses.

We had to go to the store on New Year’s Eve. The cashier had the nerve to wish us a Happy New Year and asked us what our plans were for the evening. Without hesitation I said, “We are going dancing.” She glanced at my walker and just smiled at my sarcasm. I didn’t tell her that it was my lack of rhythm, not the fact that I was using a walker that prevents us from dancing. Everyone knows we are party animals, like a sloth or bear in hibernation. My wife enjoys staying up late and seeing in the new year by watching all the finest programming that television has to offer. She watches programs showing the countdown like I watch a Time Life Music infomercial. The fact that she was a New Year’s baby partly explains her behavior so for that we’ll give her a pass. I prefer to get my beauty rest. There is something odd to me about people cramming together in the middle of winter to watch a clock countdown and a ball drop. What I find even stranger is trying to make a six hour television show about it. I’d rather watch a Dr. Pimple Popper marathon. Isn’t it time somebody at least made a game out of it? Then it might be worth televising. Someone please get ESPN working on that asap.

I had to use the restroom the other day at the grocery store. Seems a local up and coming artisan felt compelled to carve their initials into and graffiti the toilet seat. If anybody needs a reset button this person does. Im just guessing that there are school desks, bus stops, possibly detention facilities with that same calling card on them. What kind of habits do you have if you practice arts and crafts in a human litter box? His parents must be so proud. I have no problem making the wrong choice. I try not to make a habit of it. I can think of a few poor menu choices I made in restaurants that yielded some pretty unfortunate results. I have learned where to go and what NOT to order. Some people however, never seem to learn. New years resolution or not, they make bad choices a habit. My guess is that the same people will more than likely make the same bad decisions this year that they did last year.

I had an encounter recently with a young man down at the lake who desperately needed a do over. He hobbled up on crutches and collapsed into the bench next to me. I thought for a brief moment that perhaps I would have a nice interesting conversation with someone other than the ducks. I was wrong. The ducks were way more interesting. His only dialogue with me was to ask me “do you smoke?” My standard reply to that question is “only when I’m on fire.” Not long after he arrived his mom appeared. She informed me that he had his foot run over by a semi and was refusing to take his antibiotics and that perhaps I could talk some sense into him. Is that even possible? Can you really talk sense into a person, especially someone who puts their foot in the path of a semi? They either have sense or they don’t right? If they don’t have it, they have to be open to acquiring it. He didn’t have it and he sure wasn’t open to getting it anytime soon. When was the last time “listen to your mother” worked? The real obvious question was, you have your foot run over by a semi and your only treatment is to take antibiotics? I wanted to tell him about our friend Cindy who is battling glioblastoma and doing it with a level of class second to none. I knew it would be lost on him. I’ve learned to conserve my energy. When people have their minds made up about something, there’s really nothing you can say or do to change their mind no matter how wrong they might be. They’ve chosen to believe something then so be it. At the moment he seemed resolute to not have a happy new year. But it got me thinking. What does one have to do to get their foot run over by a semi? I normally don’t stick any part of me anywhere in the path of a 20,000 lb. vehicle so this one escapes me. Talk about sticking your foot where it doesn’t belong. I’ve put my foot in my mouth, on someones back side, I’ve even put my foot through a door, but never in the path of a semi. He may have been swimming in that same recessive gene pool as our modern day Michelangelo, the toilet tagger or it’s possible he was just having a real bad day.

As I write this we are preparing to make another pilgrimage to yet another doctor appointment. Of all the doctor appointments, this particular one ranks as one of the least favorites. Not that any trip to the doctor is a walk in the park. This happens to be my oncologist. Right before Christmas I had to have a triple MRI of my entire spine. I am extremely claustrophobic so just one MRI is a challenge. Today we get to find out the results of those scans. The anxiety gets ratcheted up tenfold. A great way to start the New Year maybe, or maybe not. We all have a choice how we respond to situations. I found joy in living in the moment. Leave the past where it is and don’t get too far ahead of yourself. Turn off the noise and let yourself enjoy the little things life has to offer.

The last several years have been a struggle for us. We’ve been challenged with a myriad of unforeseen issues, my health being just one of them. You never know how you’ll handle a crisis until you are right in the middle of one. It’s easy to sit on sidelines and judge the players and coaches. You never truly know what someone is going through until you step into their shoes ie my lakeside semi-foot friend. There are things that happen that you are never prepared for. Just when you think you have a handle on things, life can throw another curve ball at you. You never know what situation you will be confronted with. Sometimes it’s best to just set your expectations aside and get to work.

Each new year brings hope that it will be better than the last one. With all the problems we face in this life, it seems a daunting task to be happy sometimes. Just getting through the day can seem monumental. Our happiness shouldn’t necessarily be contingent on the people or situations around us but that is a rather tall order sometimes.

So what constitutes a happy new year? Faith in our risen savior Jesus Christ should be all the reason we need. When we focus on Him, all of the issues of this world somehow don’t seem so insurmountable, no matter what year it is.

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Gift Giving...

12/2/2018

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My brother Alan has been coming over to build some cabinets in our garage for us. We have been living in a state of suspended animation since we moved a year and a half ago. When completed, we will finally be able to unpack and organize a portion of our lives. It is a good feeling to have something to look forward to. I try to keep him company during the building process. It’s important for his morale. The fact that he was so willing to give his time and his talent to help means a lot. It is a gift to which we are very grateful. To show my appreciation, I let him lick the bowl from the leftover thanksgiving marshmallow salad.

Not all gifts are appreciated or well received. Some things people call gifts really aren’t gifts at all. We had a neighbor’s dog leave a “gift” in our front yard once. I promptly returned it to that neighbor. The flu is not a gift but every year at this time there are people who think it is, and insist on giving it to those around them. They cavalierly march around telling everyone within earshot how they have a 115 degree temp, puked up a fleet of Mac trucks the last 5 days, but they were committed enough to make it to your Christmas party. Gee thanks a bunch. Memo to those people… stay away! Take your deviled eggs and go home. We don’t want your illness or gift.

Some gifts never seem to go away. They just come back around again. For years, my brothers had a box of tuna helper that got passed around as a house warming gift each time one of us would move. A pretty extravagant gift for a bachelor. After the infamous hamburger helper incident of 1975 however, we were all afraid to eat it. Be aware, the gifts that you give an elderly person could very well be gifted back to you at a not so distant date. I have a very nice sweater I gifted my dad before he passed. I’m thankful for my good taste.

The people pleasers will ask you what you want before they give you a gift. You have to be careful with this ploy. I once made the mistake of telling my wife that I needed a T shirt. Her OCD side kicked in and I ended up with T shirts in every color the manufacturer ever made. That was when Clinton was in office. I’m wearing the last of the batch as I’m writing this.

Expecting a gift is poor sportsmanship and results in a 25 yard penalty. So how bad is it if you got a subscription to Jelly of the Month? Expecting can be the ugly cousin of contentment. Is it really that important? Can you remember what you got last year or the year before? It’s really the gesture that’s important, right?

Somehow I don’t think that all those Black Friday purchases are meant as gifts for someone else. I often hear people admit they gave themselves a gift. If you believe what the commercials tell you, you deserve it. It doesn’t take much convincing. I have to admit I like to give myself gifts although mine usually come in the form of a psychological pick me up, not a new Lexus. I once left a “gift” in the form of a dead cockroach on the time clock for the day crew just prior to their shift ending. A good many of the girls decided to work overtime that day. It sure lifted my spirits.

The irony of Black Friday is when people behave like sub species less than 24 hours after Thanksgiving, for bargains that will ultimately wind up in a thrift store or landfill. The ducks at the lake behave with more civility when I feed them. In the words of the great philosopher Rodney King “Why can’t we all just get along.” We can’t get thru one day dedicated to giving thanks before we are strategizing our need to get more. Thank you Lord for all our blessings. Now either get out of my way, or help me load these super plasma LED giant 250 inch bad boys in my cart or else. After all, the tv’s I currently have, are only 240 inch. I know the Lord wants me to have the latest and greatest. Why else would I have noticed the sale?

As a believer, we always have something to look forward to. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. Luke 2:11 We have so many gifts to be thankful for, it’s impossible to list them all. I dare you to try. “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17 Some gifts are absolutely priceless. You won’t find those at some Black Friday sale. We just tend to take them for granted. Take a few of those gifts away and your whole world can be turned upside down. I saw a sign on a neighbors porch the other day. It read: Thankful, Grateful, Blessed. I had to wonder if they would still display such a sign if they were in a homeless shelter, hospital or had recently spent time at a funeral home. Were they thankful and grateful only because they thought they were blessed?

Occasionally we get a gift that we really needed that we had no idea we needed until we got it. We stopped at the grocery store today after therapy. Currently, I am struggling to learn to walk on my own again. I had a brief encounter with someone named Marie in the store. She was maneuvering through the jammed aisles, pulling a grocery cart with one hand and pushing an oversized special needs wheelchair with the other. She was doing it all with a smile on her face. Her grown, cerebral palsy daughter had a big smile on her face and was thrilled to be out. That made Marie happy. No matter how difficult the circumstances, Marie found a reason to be joyful. She wished me a blessed day as she went on her way. That my friends just might help answer the age old question of “why does God let bad things happen to good people?” You see every now and then we all need an example to help fine tune our perspective.

We really are grateful to my brother for all his help. I know he’s helping because he wants to. That makes it a true gift. Perhaps, some day I can repay him, though I know he’s not expecting that. Even if it will be just a box of tuna helper.

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The Planner

11/1/2018

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We like to mark occasions. It gives us an opportunity to celebrate, honor or reflect on past events. Last year, November 6, 2017 marked our 35th wedding anniversary. To celebrate, we had hoped to take a nice vacation. We don’t travel much so the idea of seeing some nice green scenery, staying in a hotel where you don’t have to push the furniture in front of the door for safety and perhaps eat someplace that doesn’t ask how many packets of hot sauce we want seemed appealing. Needless to say, our plans changed. For some reason we kept putting off finalizing any plans for the trip. First we moved, then I got sick. Then, October 24, 2017 Dr. Frank Hsu practiced his pumpkin carving on my head. My anniversurgery if you will. I told the nurses that I wasn’t able to get my wife a gift but she got me a new brain. My wife has always had a knack for giving extravagant gifts.

My wife likes to keep a planner. I do not. It's not as though I do a lot of planning anymore. This past year especially, I tend to live one day at a time. She coordinates the appointments and I just show up. My wife’s planner is something of a combination calendar, file, address book, scrapbook and journal. She keeps track of all kinds of things that I just plain forget about. Birthdays, anniversaries, graduation dates, doctor appointments, medications. She keeps all of her old planners for reference. Its like a resource center at a university library. It’s the planner that keeps on giving. If you want to know when something significant happened in our family, chances are, she has it written down somewhere in one of her planners with all the details necessary. Not that she is forgetful, on the contrary. She tends to be something of a savant compared to me. She is a numbers person. I am not. I don’t have enough appendages to perform anything more than simple math. She is a payroll accountant for the local water district. She accurately computes complex figures in her head faster than a calculator. She can tell you the birthdays of all the day care kids that she had 30 years ago. Out of the blue she will say to me “ today is Trevors birthday. He’ll be this old now.” I will usually respond, Trevor who? It was a good thing it was my brain that needed the overhaul and not her’s. Where my brain is a Ford, her brain is a Lamborghini. I keep track of really important things like the starting lineup for 1972 Lakers or the name of the traveling salesman in Little Big Man.

My wife brings her planner with her to all my appointments. My doctors know that the appointment isn’t over until she puts the planner down. She takes notes so later on when I say to her “what the heck did he say?” She will pull out her planner and give me a recap. She’s like having a personal secretary with me all the time. I have to be careful with this though. She is a stickler for details. Nothing gets by her. Armed with her planner she is downright deadly. This habit of record keeping has served the family well on more than one occasion but I have also lost my share of disagreements because of it.

The planner is like taking a snapshot of our lives. There was a time when it was filled with things like best friends, ball games and birthday parties. Now its filled with the unplanned. We just want to get through the day. Pile on everyday chores and the idea of planning anything seems almost laughable. Asking us for more than what we’ve already been handed at this point is too much. Juggling doctors appointments, pharmacies, and insurance companies leaves little time, energy or desire for anything else.

If only we could just plan our lives like placing an order at a fine restaurant. I’ll have the successful career along with good health please, and throw in a couple hundred acres of prime woodland, and a yellow Labrador. I have to wonder if God gets a good laugh when he sees us making all our plans. You might think you’re going to that event next month but I wouldn’t count on it if I were you. “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails” Proverbs 19:21. Thank GOD! I wouldn’t want some amateur running things. The bigger the problem, the more we want a professional to take over. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

My wife will continue to use her planners. We still hope to take that trip someday, God willing. It may not be when or where we planned, but chances are my wife will have it penciled in her planner.

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Miracles in the midst of mayhem

10/3/2018

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Life is full of speed bumps. We do our best to navigate around them but every now and then one rocks your world. Beginning in 2017, we crashed head-on into a mountain of manure. Since that time we have gone through a minefield of physical, emotional and spiritual distress. We’ve been placed in a press and squeezed to our breaking point. We've walked through the valley of the shadow of death and back. We were in the midst of the darkest, most trying time of our life. Our faith was tested. Our resolve was tested. Our will power was tested. It was a fertilizer free-for-all. Everybody, at one time or another is going to face what may seem like a Mt. Everest of problems. We were facing the uphill climb of our lives. Even though many things went sideways for us, it wasn’t all bad. There were good things that happened that we never expected. You look for victories wherever you can. “Extraordinary afflictions are not always the punishment of extraordinary sins, but sometimes the trial of extraordinary graces.” Matthew Henry

The great thing about this life is you can choose to believe whatever you want. I believe I’ll have another cookie thank you very much. My wife and I believe in God. Crazy as you think this may sound, we also believe that the Bible is still very much relevant. Therefore we believe in divine intervention. We believe in heaven and hell. We live knowing heaven is far greater than anything this world has to offer. We believe that God is infinitely more powerful than we can imagine. We believe God created us, and all that exists. We also know that we all have a choice what to believe. Things that others might say are luck or chance or karma we choose to see as an act of God. Those are the moments we feel the need to recognize. We believe God is performing countless miracles in our lives but, most of the time they go unnoticed, or we choose to discredit His achievements. One of our faults as humans is we like to take credit for everything good and blame God for everything we perceive as bad. Even though our former church at the time, failed us in remarkable fashion, we never lost our faith. It is our personal relationship with Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that matters more than where we worship. God supplied us with what we needed time and again.

We believe that during this past year, on numerous occasions, God intervened on our behalf.

It had to be divine intervention when out of the blue, a local realtor presented us with a unique opportunity. Even though at the time we weren’t thinking of moving. Shortly thereafter, we were able to move into our single story home right before I began to have severe vertigo. I couldn’t handle the elevation change of sitting up in bed. There was no way I would have been able to navigate the stairs in the two story home we had. It’s hard to put into words how much of a miracle this truly was.
When we were referred to the top ranked brain surgeon at UCI who was willing and able to do the surgery, we chose to believe that God played a part.
For weeks, I would get violently ill if I so much as looked the wrong way. I had to stare at a single spot on the wall all day long or I would get sick. I couldn’t read or watch tv. (They were probably all my wife’s shows anyway and that would have made me more ill). I would get dizzy if i closed my eyes to try to sleep. I was living a catch 22. My TN was worse because I wasn’t getting the rest I needed. I also wasn’t able to keep the proper amount of meds in my system due to getting sick constantly. The TN was also causing me to get dizzy. When you get an electrical jolt in your face, it can snap your neck backward and double you over in pain. Easily, the kind of movement that can cause a person to take a trip to Commode Island via the good ship Vertigo. People were forced to stand directly in front of me to make eye contact when talking. Everyone around me was afraid to move. The slightest movement would send me reeling. As soon as i got dizzy, i would get sick. I lost 40 pounds in a two week period. I was blowing Weight Watchers out of the water. I couldn't make it to the local emergency room just down the street without getting terribly sick. So how was I able to ride 80 miles to get to UCI Medical Center for an MRI and surgery without getting dizzy and sick unless God was lending a helping hand.
Making it through brain surgery successfully, while retaining the majority of brain functions with little damage, was truly an act of God. Making it through brain surgery successfully, while retaining the majority of brain functions with little damage. Making it through brain surgery successfully…
God was protecting me from choking when I had to learn to chew and swallow again.
God helped me regain my voice and vision.
It was God’s perfect timing on display when I made it through the critical phase of the brain surgery recovery before having a major blood clot develop six months later due to a complication from a broken collar bone which happened decades prior.
And it was divine intervention when a top ranked vascular surgeon who specialized in thoracic outlet syndrome, happened to be in the ER and diagnosed the cause of the blood clot and helped save my life. The other ER doctors didn’t see the underlying problem and were just going to send me home. That would have been unfortunate.

Too much patience and I’m afraid I may spontaneously combust. Throughout the past year and a half, I had to remind myself of these two Bible passages, “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 and “Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalm 27:14. If you expect a miracle to be a significant, earth shattering event where the skies open up and a chorus of angels descend in front of you playing harps and ringing bells it might be time to readjust your expectations. God can work in the most subtle manner. We just need to slow down and read the signs. I was in the hospital waiting to have a delicate procedure done. Brenda and I were tired, apprehensive, and on edge. Someone from the lab came to draw some blood. She had a pleasant bedside manner. We began to converse. Something about her was different. She listened to our dilemma. Soon she asked if she could pray with us as she held our hands. She offered her prayer, wished us well and was on her way. It was a touching moment that made a big impact. Three months later, I had to return to the same hospital for a special test to determine if I need an additional surgery. I was taken to an unfamiliar area and all hooked up and waiting on my gurney. All at once you know who appears. She was there for another patient. She instantly recognized me and came over to greet me. She asked what I was there for. She held my hand and offered a wonderful prayer. God used her as a source of great comfort and encouragement. I thanked her and told her how nice it was to see her. She informed me that she had never been to that area of the hospital. It was truly divine intervention at its best.

We feel truly blessed that because of our faith, we can recognize God’s handiwork. We believe that miracles happen all the time and that God takes an active role in our lives. We don’t view him like some retiree who created the earth, then moved to Boca Raton and sits around drinking Daiquiris all day. Not that I would blame him but I think He cares far too much for us just to abandon us for a life of leisure. We just need to get out of the way and stop telling Him how to do His job. He is God after all and we aren’t. As close as my wife and I are, she couldn’t be with me all the time. We were separated, but not alone. When things were at their darkest, everything went away. I didn’t think about my things. I wasn’t thinking about any future plans or past events. I wasn’t thinking about friends or even family. I was focused on talking to my God. It was do or die time.

If God had not intervened, we are quite certain that I wouldn’t be here today. We are also certain that without the Lord’s help, I would not have survived with as many of my faculties as I did. It is our belief that things happened the way they did, when they did, because God took an active role in our lives. We want to give credit where credit is due. We are acutely aware of what can go wrong. But we need to recognize when things go right and why. We will be forever grateful to all my surgeons and health care professionals. They saved my life and are helping me rehabilitate. Ultimately however, we believe they wouldn’t have been able to do what they did without God’s help.

I struggled for some time on this blog. I kept wanting to detail all the issues we faced. I finally had to write myself a reminder - focus on God’s work, not your problems. The human tendency is to think just of ourselves, our problems. Life’s problems can seem insurmountable at times. Our’s sure did. Each situation is unique in its own way. What we experienced was new to us, but certainly not unprecedented. Plenty of other people have had to deal with far worse, for much longer periods of time, with far less positive of an outcome. Our hearts ache for them. I’ve learned that when problems strike, it gives us an opportunity to learn a little bit of what others have had to deal with. When you go through trauma the tendency is to feel alone because no one else quite understands exactly what it is you’re going through. Because of our faith in God, we knew we were never completely alone. Yes we believe in miracles. Yes we believe in God. Believe it or not, it can make a hell of a difference.

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The Art of Conversation

9/3/2018

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We were just going to make it a quick trip to get cat food. We were about one aisle away when he saw his opportunity, and he pounced on it. We never saw it coming. It was a classic ambush. He was a brash, narcissist who had but one singular intention. He was what comedian Brian Regan refers to as me-monster. They are the conversation combatants who parachute in and seize control of the moment. They somehow make any situation all about them.

They reside among us folks, preying on unsuspecting victims. The Me-monster thrives on one-up-man-ship. You got bit by a dog. They wrestled with a grizzly bear. You rode your bicycle to work. They unicycled over the Himalayas with a bad case of hemorrhoids. Oh yea, we can't wait to hear all about that.

I was trapped and I knew it. He opened by inquiring why I was using a walker. “Do you have a knee problem?" Why, hello to you too! No, I just use it to pick up chicks! He wasn't fazed at all when I said it was because of a brain tumor. His urge to boast got the best of him. He was a professional motorcycle racer. Without missing a beat, he proceeded to point out the countless broken bones and ailments he had. Five in this leg, ten in that leg, twenty here, thirty there and on and on and on. There was no time to come up for air. It was an impressive display, even for a me-monster. I could have been exploding from my insides out right there in front of him and it wouldn't have mattered. Clean up on aisle 5,6,7 & 8. He had an audience and he wasn’t to be denied.

He used a walker for a few weeks once. "It'll get better" he assured me. Whew, what a relief, I feel SO much better now. I really appreciated his “professional” diagnosis. How he came to that conclusion is alarming since he really didn't take the time to find out anything about me, but then again he is a professional. He's done this before. The whole conversation was about him. More of an impromptu interview if you will. In my head I was cuing the music in hopes that someone would take his mic and he would be ushered off the stage. He was like cousin Eddie's dog. "Once he gets going, its best just to let him finish Clark."

Normally, you’re a good listener, but when hijacked by a me-monster you find yourself distracted with planning an exit strategy. Fortunately, there won’t be any questions from them to break your concentration. Just throw in the occasional nod or chuckle. Meanwhile, you survey the terrain, looking for all possible evacuation routes. Once they finally surface, or run themselves aground, you have to be prepared to immediately spring into action. Time is a factor. Look for any slight hesitation on their part. Excuses become paramount at this point. It is vital to not underestimate the sucking power of the me-monster. Once they latch on, they don’t easily let go. It may be necessary to rely on a partner or teammate to properly pull off an extraction procedure.

Fortunately, my wife was keenly aware of the exit strategy and we were able to pry away from Evil Knievel. It may not always be that easy though. If the Me-monster shows up on your doorstep you have a whole new set of challenges. They can disguise themselves quite cleverly. Do not be deceived! Once your perimeter has been compromised, it's nearly impossible to defend. They will use whatever tactics they can to achieve their agenda. I know, we've recently suffered such a breach.

In contrast to the me-monster is the talking tree stump or mumbling mannequin. This character flames out faster than a soggy match in a rainstorm. They both present unique challenges. As much as the me-monster can overwhelm, the mannequin can underwhelm. What they both have in common is a seemingly inability to ask questions. I had an encounter with a mannequin on a walk in the neighborhood the other day. After the initial greeting, He planted himself in the proper speaking position, looked eagerly at me and then nothing. I proceeded to lob convo starters one after another in his direction. To my amazement, he wiffed every single time. I was pitching a no hitter without even trying. It wasn't even a contest. It was like trying to play tennis with a palm tree. I was wondering if I would need to check for a pulse. Surely something would get him engaged. Problem was, he didn’t budge. He stood his ground as if waiting for that one perfect pitch to take deep. This was way too much work. I was exhausting myself trying to get him to bite. It was beyond awkward. I was playing 21 questions with myself. So how about this weather? Is that the real statue of David in your front yard? I'm taking a survey, which looks thicker my lawn or my hair? I was getting desperate. I was bombing and I knew it. I just wanted to get the heck out of there. He wouldn’t leave, he wouldn’t engage, he was stuck in a loop. If he was a computer, I would have re-booted him long ago.

I don't have much social contact these days. I want to make every opportunity count. If I'm feeling up to it, I want some honest to goodness dialogue. Like today for instance. My brother came over for a short time. We always have a good visit. Sometimes we just hang out. Sometimes we watch a movie. Sometimes we work on a project. But we always seem to have good conversation. That's the way it should be. In my humble opinion, a good conversation should have some back and forth. Ask a question. Is that too much to ask? See how easy it is. Inquiring minds want to know. Both parties should share in the dialogue. People who are poor conversationists are pool poopers plain and simple. If you can't bring your "A" game then don't bother showing up! Leave your sales pitch and your hidden agenda behind thank you very much. I have a limit to my good nature. Life is far too short!

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Doctors appointment.

8/9/2018

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Life is pretty restricted for me now. Not that I am complaining but, I am basically a shut-in at the moment. My days consist of rehab and rest. Even the simplest of tasks can be a monumental challenge for me. It is quite different for my wife. She juggles a demanding full time job, shuttles me to all my appointments and takes care of all the household chores.

I have very little social contact. I look forward to the days I get to go to therapy and interact with the people who have made it their business to help me every step of the way. When I feel up to it, I go to the grocery store with my wife. A really big day is a doctor appointment. We plan doctor appointments like some people plan their vacations. My wife carries around a planner to keep it all straight.

I have a plethora of health care professionals. Besides my GP I have my ophthalmologist, E.N.T. audiologist, neurosurgeon, oncologist, thoracic surgeon, speech therapist and physical therapist. I even have my own case manager. Each doctor wants their own tests. If medical tests were tattoos, I'd be covered from head to toe like a cheap newspaper.

Last week, after two previous failed attempts, we had the pleasure of "visiting" with my oncologist. I do believe its easier for a terrorist carrying a biological weapon to cross the border than it is for some doctors' offices to coordinate with insurance companies to get proper authorization for an appointment. Since it is a bit of a drive, we decided to give ourselves plenty of time. We left two hours in advance and arrived just prior to our 1p.m. appointment time.

We were greeted with the dreaded health history form. This, I am convinced, is a clever stall tactic. We carry computers in our pockets, cars drive themselves, robots vacuum our floors, yet somehow the medical community can't seem to keep an updated record of our health history. No matter how many different hospitals, clinics, Doctors we visit, we still have to fill out the form over and over again. Don't they know how to share with each other?

Once the form is completed, they inform us that they are running late and it will be at least an hour an half before they can see us. They knew we were coming right? We left the house two hours early, filled out the dreaded health history form, yet somehow they weren't prepared for us?
The waiting room looked like the motor vehicle department. People were fighting over the restrooms like they were the last helicopters out of Vietnam.

Now when you make an appointment to see Doctor A, and Doctor B walks in the room you have a right to be disappointed. It's a lot like going to see Bono only to have Bieber show up in his place. He walks in the room, shakes our hands and immediately lathers up with Purell. The least he could have done is offer us some. Who's to say he's not the one with the cooties! He then begins to ask us all the same questions that appeared on the dreaded health history form. Déjà vu I kid you not. So which of these procedures could we have just eliminated in lieu of efficiency? Hmmmm. No wonder we had to wait 2 hours after our scheduled appointment time.

Doctor B does his job casting doubt, creating fear and ordering additional tests. During the exam he keeps looking at his watch like he's got a plane to catch. Thats my cue to keep asking more and more questions. Hey doc, what do you think of the Lakers this year? Does this mole look suspicious? Who's your interior designer? By gosh, I want to get my monies worth!

So our 1 o'clock appointment turned into a seven hour day. All so we could see a "stand in" doctor. Do you think the box office will give us a refund?

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Say What?

7/23/2018

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Got my new hearing aid the other day. I lost all my hearing in my left ear during my recent brain surgery. My right ear had fairly typical hearing loss one experiences over the course of time. So now I have a device in both ears. The left hearing aid picks up sounds on my left side and transmits them to the hearing aid in the working right ear. Now my ears do more than just hold up my glasses.

It will take some getting used to. The sound quality initially seems very artificial or metallic. I understand that is because the brain has to learn to process certain sounds all over again. My brain still can't figure out why our cat keeps screaming at me.

It was both frustrating and fatiguing to constantly miss a good portion of what was being said. I found myself just "checking out" of most conversations. It became one more hurdle to deal with. It should come as no surprise that the first time trying it out my wife cried. Probably out of shear relief for not having to repeat herself!

I do have to be careful now whenever my ear itches not to stick my finger in, or plunge a Q-tip deep in the ear, until after safely removing the device. One of the best features of the hearing aid though, is the on/off switch. This feature can come in particularly handy at times such as being around unruly children or disruptive pets, during social encounters of the truly boring kind aka any sales presentation or during an election period.

You said you called. Sorry, I didn't hear you. Must have had my hearing aid turned off!

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New Venture

6/27/2018

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This is my first blog. I've written personal letters, newsletters, advertising slogans and copy, sales literature, web content, and press releases but I've never written a blog - before now. My sincerest apologies to all you English majors, professional writers and editors for what is sure to be a comedy of grammatical errors as far as writing is concerned. With that being said, I am resolute to move forward into uncharted waters for me.

I would like to use this forum as a means of therapy, much the same way I view my artwork. At the moment, I am unable to pick up a paint brush. Fortunately for me, I can now sit at the computer for a few minutes at a time, and type. So in the upcoming blogs, I will take the time to introduce you to myself, my life, my thoughts, and things that I have learned along the way.

I welcome you to join me on this journey.

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The rain, the perks and other things…

Splitting Hairs...

Happy New Year?

Gift Giving...

The Planner

Miracles in the midst of mayhem

The Art of Conversation

Doctors appointment.

Say What?

New Venture

Brian Dietz

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